All of the fun

 So DC was fun, really happy that despite less than perfect environment I got Harri into trance, was a fun but chilled night.

Ended up going out for a few drinks with Harri last week... which turned into a lot of drinks... and I decided it would be a good idea to text Colin. Which led to him booking a hotel room in a couple of weeks time to have a threesome with me and Harri.

I know.

I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking either. Like it's a bad idea. We are entirely not compatible. He annoys the shit out of me... but we've been texting none stop. We spent 3 hours having cyber sex last night and honestly it was better than the actual sex I've had recently. And of course I've booked to go away with him on New Years, because booking fun trips or activities with problematic tops hasn;t at all back-fired on me at all recently has it? I'm telling myself I'm not letting past negative experiences colour my current actions"... in truth I think I'm just hopelessly optimistic.

Thing is, I know what I'm getting with Colin! It's not romantic, because he's an arsehole. A good looking, fantastic dominant of an arsehole, with an accent that gets me half way to orgasm on it's own... but still infuriating none the less.

Tomorrow is DC Darker... Dougie will be there, with Han. I've booked play right through the event. I'm doing hypno/impact with Yana early on, then tying and torturing Tan... I will be able to completely avoid him with an air of relaxed superiority... hopefully.

I'm also aware this is the first event I'll really, publically be topping all the way through, which I think will also help... I hope anyway. 

Well It's been shit...

So Jamie turned out to have a long-term girlfriend, I called it off, he disappeared, Harri and I got epic revenge. It's been a month since we separated and I miss him. I hate how much I miss him. I know we were never technically in a relationship, but he turned up. Every time. Every bad day, every ridiculous disaster, he either messaged me for hours, video-called me, or took me on midnight walks. I hate how much I miss him.

Then 3 weeks ago, after acting shitty and weird with me for weeks, Dougie finally instigated "the talk" instead of dodging it. I might have sent a slightly passive-aggressive message when I got back home, but like what does he expect? Firstly leaving it until the week were due to go on holiday, for my fucking birthday of all things was shitty as hell. The fact he was going away with Han for her birthday the day after was just shitty timing but it did;t help. The fact he refuses to acknowledge the actual problem he had was that I had another relationship that was as visible as his is frustrating as all hell... but that's what I get for getting involved with 6ft4" children.

Anyway...

Since then I've been having fun at events which they've both been absent from (thankfully). The little revenge escapade I went on with Harri seems to have turned into a real friendship, and we're doing some hypno play at DC tonight which I'm really looking forward to.

There's two guys I've met for coffee with romantic potential, Dave and Martin. Very different but both lovely. Martin is 45, investment banker, switch and on poly scene. Dave is early 40's PT, dom not on scene but on Fet.

Then there's Euan (Monkey), adorable as hell, massive crush on him! He's in a very committed nesting/kids relationship, but obviously is poly, and I think we're going to do some tying together... we've come up with a great scene anyway.

DC looks like it might be a little quieter than normal tonight so I may try and chat to some "potentials"... if there's any there lol

An unremarkable day to start a diary

 I'm in isolation until Friday (it's currently Wednesday), damn covid. No Dungeon club tomorrow, although a little space from Dougie right now is not the worst thing, he continues to make me feel like I'm not really a priority, I continue to think maybe I'm overreacting. I still haven't decided about Kamping. Ky said go and if I don't like it just come home... Ky is being great... despite giving me Covid lol.

I have one partner who says he wants to be my "boyfriend" and acts like he doesn't care that much, and one who insists he isn't but acts like he is... and both are too young for me! I need to find a potential primary in his late 30s/40s... life would be vastly simpler.